How to Get Your Teen to Listen: Proven Strategies for Handling Disrespectful Behavior

Many parents struggle with their teenagers ignoring them, responding with sarcasm, or displaying an attitude. Simple requests—like asking them to put away their phone, help with chores, or talk about their day—are often met with eye rolls, dismissive comments, or outright defiance. This can be incredibly frustrating and even hurtful, leaving parents feeling disrespected, unappreciated, and unsure of how to get through to their teen.

It’s easy to react emotionally in these moments, whether by snapping back, imposing stricter rules, or lecturing them about respect.

However, before responding to their behavior, it’s crucial to take a step back and understand what’s really driving it. More often than not, disrespectful behavior isn’t just about defiance—it’s a symptom of deeper struggles teens face. They may be feeling unheard in their relationships, powerless over their own lives, or overwhelmed by academic and social pressures.The good news is that disrespectful behavior isn’t a dead end—it’s an opportunity for connection and growth. By approaching these interactions with patience, empathy, and the right communication strategies, you can reduce conflict, foster mutual respect, and improve your relationship with your teen. Here are four practical, proven strategies to help you not only get your teen to listen but also build a deeper, more understanding connection with them.

1. Understanding the Teenage Brain

It can be frustrating and even infuriating when your teen is being disrespectful. Their behavior can seem intolerable and triggering. However, before reacting, it’s crucial to understand why they behave this way.

Our brain has two important parts:

1. The Thinking Brain (Prefrontal Cortex) – Responsible for higher-order thinking, planning, problem-solving, regulating emotions, and making rational decisions.

2. The Emotional Brain (Amygdala) – Governs emotions like anger, fear, and anxiety. It also drives impulsive and instinctive reactions.

Many parents jokingly say, "My teen clearly doesn’t have a thinking brain because everything they do is impulsive!" The truth is, they’re not entirely wrong. Neuroscientists have found that the prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until around age 25. This means that teens rely more on their emotional brain, making them prone to impulsivity, frustration, and mood swings. Their reactions may come off as disrespectful, even when that’s not their intent.

This doesn’t mean bad behavior should be excused, but understanding the biological reasons behind their actions can help you approach situations with more patience and empathy. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, wait for their thinking brain to regain control before addressing the issue. Sometimes, this can take an hour or even several hours. Remember: when teens don’t feel right, they can’t act right.

2. Model the Behavior You Want to See

One of the most effective ways to teach respect is to model respectful behavior. If you want your teen to be respectful, you must show them respect first.

Some parents question why they should treat their teens with respect, saying, "When I was growing up, I had to respect my parents no matter what." However, times have changed. Today’s teens are heavily influenced by what they see on social media and the internet. Unlike past generations, they no longer believe that respect should be given solely based on age or authority.

Research shows that the teenage brain is wired to crave status and respect. They resist when adults talk down to them or try to control them. If you call your teen disrespectful and then proceed to treat them with disrespect, the situation will only escalate. Instead, practice basic courtesy:

• No name-calling, swearing, shaming, insulting, or taunting.

• Stay calm, even when they are not.

• Be consistent in your approach.

• Listen more, lecture less.

When you consistently demonstrate respect, your teen is far more likely to mirror that behavior.

3. Give Your Teen More Control

Many teenagers feel powerless. They have little say over what they can and cannot do—whether at school or at home. They want more independence but often feel like they’re constantly being told what to do.

When teens act out, they’re not necessarily rebelling against you—they’re rebelling against a lack of autonomy. This is one reason social media and gaming are so appealing to them. Online, they have control. They can decide what to watch, who to interact with, and what games to play.

While teens need to learn about boundaries, they also need to feel empowered. Studies show that teens who have more autonomy are far less likely to be rebellious.

So how do you give them more control?

• Freedom within limits – Set rules collaboratively instead of enforcing them unilaterally.

• Discuss expectations – Instead of imposing strict screen time rules, involve them in the discussion.

• Negotiate a win-win – If full agreement isn’t possible, aim for a compromise where neither side feels like they’re losing.

• Coach, don’t control – Guide them in making informed decisions rather than making all the decisions for them.

When teens feel like they have some control over their lives, they’re more likely to cooperate and less likely to push back with disrespectful behavior.

4. Avoid Using “You” Statements

How you communicate with your teen plays a huge role in how they respond to you. Using “you” statements that focus on their negative behavior can make them feel attacked and defensive. For example: "You are so rude," "You are irresponsible."

Imagine if someone spoke to you that way—how would you feel? Likely angry, annoyed, or even hurt. Your teen feels the same way.

Instead, try using “I” statements that focus on your own feelings rather than blaming them: "I feel disrespected when you speak to me that way, "I get worried when I don’t know where you are."

This approach reduces defensiveness and encourages a more open conversation. More connecting, less criticizing. When teens feel less judged, they are more likely to stay calm and respond respectfully.

Disrespectful behavior in teens is often a sign of underlying frustration, lack of control, or an emotional brain in overdrive. By understanding how their brain works, modeling respect, giving them more autonomy, and adjusting how you communicate, you can create a more positive and cooperative relationship with your teen.